just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Randomize
