I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
