hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Randomize
