my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
dude i'm inner monologue high
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
he quoted the bible to break up with me
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Randomize
