I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
