If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
