Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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