What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize