So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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