I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
i used baking grease as lip gloss
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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