Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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