ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
