My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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