We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Ladies don't puke and tell
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
