someone threw a dead crab at me
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Randomize
