I molested 6 butterflies tonight
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
