If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
