at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
