ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
