6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
as a side note pls kill me
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
