so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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