I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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