hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
