kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Randomize
