dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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