Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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