Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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