p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
