She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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