Your tits are I can't wait for
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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