Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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