i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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