our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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