K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
