Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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