to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
