Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize