Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
