I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
