if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Randomize
