how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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