Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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