Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
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