they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Randomize
