We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
