even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
