don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
