...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
