ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
