Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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