Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
